Zayden Funnies

1. The other day I took the kids to the indoor park. On the way there Zayden was telling me how he wanted to scare the other kids. When we got to the park, Zayden kind of stayed near the entrance. Whenever a new kid would walk in the door Z would yell "boo" or he would roar at them! This went on for a good 20-30 min.

2. Zayden has this odd fear of Walruses. I think it is because the Walrus at our Zoo is in a dark isolated place, and he swims right up to this big glass window. Anyway he always talks about the walrus (sometimes tigers too.... I always have to go with him to his bedroom if it is dark, because apparently there is a tiger back there or so he says). So today we were playing with his "guys", and I put one in a bus, and said, "C'mon everyone get in the bus", and Z said "No we don't...there are 2 walruses in there!" Just the fear of walruses itself cracks me up!! I can't wait to tell him about this someday!!

3. Also today Brian and I were talking, and Brian was confused about something and said, "what?". Z then said, "What the heck?" We had never heard that from him and both Brian and I looked away and hid our faces as we were both silently laughing. I think Zayden could tell we were laughing and then on cue Z laughed and said, "What are we going to do with this kid?"

Now tell me how is this scary??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDg7kWgs5e0

Thursday Gratitudes

1. I am grateful for my education
2. I am grateful that gas is cheaper right now than it has been in a long time.
3. I am grateful to have a work computer
4. I am grateful that Ivy only woke up like 5x last night (yes this is a huge improvement!)
5. I am grateful that Zayden can communicate his needs to me!

Zayden is trying to get back on the mama-train!

Ever since I posted "mean mommy" Zayden has decided to show me that he still may have a little "mama's boy" in him!
This morning when I left for work, leaving him and Ivy with their day, he announced, "I am going to work too.", and then looked back at Brian, waved, and said "bye!".
He then followed me to the gate and kept saying "I want to go with you!". It was sad, but part of me was so happy he wanted me. When I walked out and shut the door I heard him crying. It was bitter sweet.
Then today, when I got home I hugged him and told him I missed him, and he told me he missed me too. Tonight I read him his bedtime stories, and afterwards as I was putting him in bed he smiled and me and said, "I DID miss you!" I said, "You did miss me?" and he said, "yeah, I did miss you!"
It was soooo sweet!! I know my little guy loves me, but my insecurity with being a good enough mom to my two just got to me the other day!! I'm happy things seem back to "normal" for us right now!! And I am never EVER going to complain about Z being clingy towards me again....never!!! :)

Praying for Dante!!!

Most of you who read my blog know all about Dante, but please please keep him and his family in your prayers today!! He is going to start a very intense difficult treatment today, which some experts feel may be too much for him.
Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers today!!!!

Chatterbox!

I just love how much Z talks, and how the different thoughts just come flying out so quickly. Just now as we went into the kitchen for breakfast he said all within like 3 seconds without me getting a word in:
"Where are my boots? I want my boots. There are my boots. Take them on me. I won't hit Kramer. Where is Kramer. There he is. I found him. I want a banana!"
He cracks me up!!

And a small update to mean mommy:

Yesterday I went to lay down for a minute after spending the past like 72 hours with him, and he started crying and crying. I came out and he kept saying, "I want to go with you mommy!" It made me feel good to have my old Z again....maybe he read my post and felt bad! ;)

Mean Mommy

Lately I feel like I am "mean mommy" in Zayden's eyes and I don't like that at all!! Zayden and I had the greatest bond ever for most of his life. We have always been really close, and I was always his favorite person. Not only was I the one to do most of his caretaking, but I also played with him all day, and was his partner in silliness!

Now with Ivy here I feel like things have shifted, and I'm not liking it. I LOVE having Ivy in our family, but I don't like the change between me and Zayden! When I am home so much of my day is taking care of Ivy (nursing, changing, getting to sleep, holding so she doesn't cry, etc...), and I don't get to play with Zayden nearly as much as I did before! He is obviously acting out because of this, and then I end up having to spend a lot of time putting him in time out or telling him "no", and "stop" and "don't do that", etc.... When Ivy is napping I try to focus all my attention on Z and then his behavior is great....no problems at all! So I know it's an attention thing!

Anyway, I don't like being mean mommy to him most of the day even though I try so hard to praise him on the good things he does and include him with Ivy. The reason I know things have shifted is that when I pick him up from my in-laws house on the days I work he doesn't want to go home with me. He'd rather stay and play with them. My Mother-in-law told me that someone is always playing with him there while the other is with Ivy. And in the evenings, Ivy nurses so much still, so Brian does most of Zayden's nightly routines with him or plays with him. So, I just feel Zayden moving away from me. The last 2 nights Zayden even asked for Brian to read to him instead of me....which is soooo unlike him! He always has been a mommy's boy! I think it's great that he is feeling closer to his grandparents and his dad...I really do!! However, I can't help but think that he just now sees me as mean mommy. :(

Oh and one more heartbreaking thing....when I tell him I love him, he doesn't always say it back. He used to always say it back to me, and now he sometimes will smile and look away. I'll say it 5 times, and he won't say it back to me. I know he is 2, and I shouldn't let that get to me, but it does!! It makes me sad every time!!

What a night!!!!

That Ivy! She isn't even a teenager, and she is already giving me the most incredible sleepless nights!! Her personality is already shining through! This girl has got places to go and things to see, and there is nothing going to hold her back!!

I know I have mentioned her rolling and her poor sleeping here before. The ONLY way I have ever been able to get her to sleep though is swaddled. She HAS to be swaddled. Well yesterday morning I found her in her crib swaddled, and on her belly! EEK!! That just scares me so much, for her to be on her belly with her arms trapped by her side, but she is just not a kid to sit still! I thought about possibly being able to still swaddle her, if I used a sleep positioner to keep her in place, but then I remembered who I was thinking of....this won't work for my little break dancer! She scoots everywhere and somehow manages to fling herself when scooting doesn't work. A few weeks ago she flung herself out of her bumbo chair and landed on her belly beside it! If she can fling herself out of that and roll while all swaddled up, a sleep positioner isn't going to work for her! *sigh*

So, last night I put her down for bed without being swaddled. I am thankful for the pacifier, I think, but geez louise this girl had major trouble staying asleep!! I had to go in her room it seemed like 137 times last night to find her pacifier and put it back in her mouth or else she would cry and cry. Seriously I put her to bed a little after 8, and by midnight I had to intervene 7 times. I stopped counting at that point, but I KNOW she never made it more than one hour before crying out! It was usually more like 15-40 minute intervals!! Luckily I only had to nurse her 2x last night, and the rest of the time the pacifer was enough, and she would just go back to sleep! I just kept sleepwalking to her room to search her crib (and sometimes floor) for one of the 2 pacifiers I had in there while she wailed, and then quickly plugged her up, and walked back to bed in a sleepy daze. It felt like soon as I would hit the pillow she'd be crying again. I seriously hope she gets used to sleeping without the swaddle soon!!!!

And I must say if I didn't have tons of LOVE just oozing out of me for this girl, I'd have lost it. But I love her sooooo much, and when I look at that sweet face of hers and she gives me one of her huge smiles.....none of it matters. I just melt and realize this is just temporary!!