Mean Mommy

Lately I feel like I am "mean mommy" in Zayden's eyes and I don't like that at all!! Zayden and I had the greatest bond ever for most of his life. We have always been really close, and I was always his favorite person. Not only was I the one to do most of his caretaking, but I also played with him all day, and was his partner in silliness!

Now with Ivy here I feel like things have shifted, and I'm not liking it. I LOVE having Ivy in our family, but I don't like the change between me and Zayden! When I am home so much of my day is taking care of Ivy (nursing, changing, getting to sleep, holding so she doesn't cry, etc...), and I don't get to play with Zayden nearly as much as I did before! He is obviously acting out because of this, and then I end up having to spend a lot of time putting him in time out or telling him "no", and "stop" and "don't do that", etc.... When Ivy is napping I try to focus all my attention on Z and then his behavior is great....no problems at all! So I know it's an attention thing!

Anyway, I don't like being mean mommy to him most of the day even though I try so hard to praise him on the good things he does and include him with Ivy. The reason I know things have shifted is that when I pick him up from my in-laws house on the days I work he doesn't want to go home with me. He'd rather stay and play with them. My Mother-in-law told me that someone is always playing with him there while the other is with Ivy. And in the evenings, Ivy nurses so much still, so Brian does most of Zayden's nightly routines with him or plays with him. So, I just feel Zayden moving away from me. The last 2 nights Zayden even asked for Brian to read to him instead of me....which is soooo unlike him! He always has been a mommy's boy! I think it's great that he is feeling closer to his grandparents and his dad...I really do!! However, I can't help but think that he just now sees me as mean mommy. :(

Oh and one more heartbreaking thing....when I tell him I love him, he doesn't always say it back. He used to always say it back to me, and now he sometimes will smile and look away. I'll say it 5 times, and he won't say it back to me. I know he is 2, and I shouldn't let that get to me, but it does!! It makes me sad every time!!