Update....Feeling better every day.

First I wanted to thank everyone for the support and kind words I have received in the past 2 weeks! It has helped A LOT!

We are still moving forward with the divorce, but things are going pretty good all things considered. I think Brian and I are probably not handling things the conventional way, but I think the way we are doing things is best for the kids so far....in my opinion.

Brian comes over to 'my' house everyday to see the kids. I am fine with seeing him regularly. I honestly feel pretty emotinally detached from him. All his lies have caused me to fall out of love with him gradually. So having him around doesn't sting. Actually, it has been very helpful. Prior to our separation he didn't help much with the care of the kids, and really didn't even play with them a lot. Now, every time he comes over he is doing things with them!!! It has given me a chance to run errands or do things that need to be done around the house. That has actually been kind of great, honestly! I also took a new prn job offering PT a few times a week with adults doing homehealth....so I sometimes go visit a patient while he is here....making extra needed $$.

We have had some pretty good talks about how we want to handle things, and have come to agreements on almost everything. He wants the kids every other weekend, and 2 evenings during the week until 7. I agreed to that, but suggested for awhile he just gets them one day and night each weekend instead of 2 days/nights each weekend. I think 1 day away from them is all I can take right now....and I think that is all would be healthy for the kids just yet. He also agreed he won't take Ivy overnight for a little longer. (She still nurses in the middle of the night)
We also came to an agreement on the holidays which honestly was one of my biggest fears. At my suggestion he agreed to split trick or treat times on Halloween each year, and he agreed to the kids spending Christmas Eve with me until Christmas day at noon, and then he gets them at noon for the rest of the day!! I was ecstatic with that deal!!! I CANNOT be away from my kids EVER on Christmas.

He wants me to keep the house (which I bought and is still in just my name anyway) and all the things in it (which again is mostly things I bought before he and I were married). I'm going to give him a crib and dresser for Ivy's room for his place. We each plan to keep our own retirements, etc...

The only thing we may have issues with is child support. He is trying to get me to agree to letting him pay me less than he should. He IS selfish like that. I don't want more than what is fair though. In Indiana there is a formula that is used to determine a fair amount of child support. That is ALL I want, and not a cent more. Although even though we don't yet know what the exact number is he already is complaining about me "raking him over the coals". Ummmm....should have thought about all that before you screwed around buddy!

I have dove head first into searching for another job. This is a little sad for me, but needs to be done. I LOVE my current job. I currently work for a non-for-profit company working with children. I have been there 8 years, and loved almost every minute of it. The downside is that the pay is really bad for a physical therapist.....really bad. So, I am looking for another job that I can make quite a bit more money SO that I can still only work 4 days/week and get by. I have already talked to 2 companies that have thrown out numbers to me, and for them I would be making 12-16$/hour more than I currently do!!! No kidding! I had another job interview yesterday with a company that I think I could be very happy with. However, I'm not sure if they will offer enough money. I will hopefully know more next week. My fingers are crossed! I actually am talking to several companies and honestly think I will be given at least 3 job offers next week. I am SO grateful that I have a thriving career in this awful economy!

And on the legal side we have called a couple different law firms. We were going to see a mediator and get things written up that way, but Brian has a friend who has a friend who is a divorce lawyer, who apparently will help us with all the paperwork aspect if we are in agreement of everything which I think we are. I will just be happy when we can get past all the legal schmegal stuff, the divorce is final, and we can move on! I just have this fear that Brian will change his mind on some of the visitation stuff or something and crush me. I'll be happy when that is all set in stone!

Zayden is asking some hard questions and having moments of being sad. He says often that he wants daddy to still live with us. He has even said that he feels sad, and that his feelings are hurt because daddy doesn't live with us. :( I am just showering him with love. I also am getting several books for him and me on the subject for us to read, to help us get through this!!

Oh...and again with the unconventional....today I had a flat tire. Brian came over and changed the tire, took it to get repaired and put it back on....all is good as new now. He was going to take Z to a birthday party, but didn't have an age appropriate gift. I went through some new children's books I had (that had not ever even been opened yet), and gave him a couple along with a gift bag and tissue paper. Probably not typical behavior of a couple that decided to get divorced 2 weeks ago. However, I think this is great for our kids that we can and will be friends!